Avoiding vs. Leaning Into Discomfort
May 2, 2024 | By David M. Wagner
Physical exercise can cause discomfort. Much of the time, that soreness is part of growing our strength.
But the phrase “no pain, no gain” does us a disservice when we push things too far.
It’s a scary moment when, mid-exercise, the pain switches from “this is difficult” to “this really hurts!”
Emotional discomfort is similar. It’s your body’s way of telling you--
You need to change something to protect yourself,
You’re experiencing difficult changes inside yourself, or
(sometimes) both.
Telling the Difference
Sometimes the difference between signs that you’re growing and signs that something is wrong is obvious. Some injuries are easy to distinguish from minor soreness.
Other times, the difference is not so clear.
This is especially true when someone pushes against your boundaries or challenges you to do something you’re not immediately comfortable with.
Are they helping you grow, or do they pose some kind of threat?
To tell the difference, ask: Does this situation--
Threaten my health or safety (physical or psychological)?
Conflict with my values?
Put my autonomy at risk?
If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” it’s a strong indication that something in your environment needs to change.
Healthy Avoidance
In cases where something outside yourself needs to change to protect you, it is healthy to avoid the source(s) of discomfort.
For example, when people take advantage of you or don’t respect your boundaries, the discomfort you feel is a sign that the relationship needs to change.
Remove the discomfort by:
Changing the environment. What circumstances are within your power to alter so that you are no longer at risk?
(Re-)asserting boundaries. Make clear what you will and won’t allow to happen to your time, energy, reputation, and person.
Leaving. If the above steps don’t work (or aren’t safe to carry out), look for ways to separate yourself from the situation completely.
Leaning In
In other instances, though, discomfort tells you that something inside you needs to change (or is changing already).
Learning a new skill or finding the courage to confront an awkward situation can feel uncomfortable – but they can be part of your personal growth.
In those cases, lean into the discomfort by:
Practicing self-compassion. Recognize that discomfort is a normal part of growth and something everyone experiences.
Setting guardrails for safety. Like slowly advancing from small weights to large ones to build your strength, start small with new skills. Set limits on what steps you’ll take until they feel more comfortable.
Getting help. Recruit a “spotter” to help you with your growth!
That “spotter,” or any other trusted guide, is also an invaluable sounding board for when you’re still not sure if your discomfort is a sign that you need to change, or that something else does.
If you need a spotter for the next stage in your leadership journey, set a free consult with me to discuss how I can help you work through your stickiest strategic challenges.